source: ehow.com

the situation, especially for marriages with kids which leaves the women with no other option than to endure a bad marriage and die in silent. For most women it would be difficult to file a divorce suit mainly because they would not want to jeopardize the future and happiness of their kids.

So for all the women that are still enduring a bad marriage and desperately looking for how to get out of a bad marriage, then i would advice that you stick around and read this post to the very end because it explains the proven steps you should take on how to get out of a bad marriage. Please read on….

How to Get Out Of A Bad Marriage

I am going to tell you what I did to get out of my First marriage. It was a physical and mental abuse mostly mental. It took a lot for me to leave we had three small boys. I was scared I would not be able to support my kids. These are the things I did when I new I could not deal anymore.
Instructions On How to Get Out Of a Bad Marriage.

1.   Evaluate your relationship by creating a pros versus cons list. This takes a lot of thought about where your relationship is, was and where you want it to go. Even the little things matter, so don’t hold back your thoughts when you make the list.

2.   Seek counseling if communication fails. Having a third party help mediate your marital problems sheds new insight on the issues, making it easier to decide on what the proper steps are. Counselors also give valuable resources to men and women who are in abusive relationships looking for a way out.

3.   Save your money. Set up a separate bank account, or find a secure place to set aside amounts of money. Careful planning makes it easier to leave a bad marriage, as many people stay in relationships for lack of anywhere to go, or proper resources. Save the money slowly while trying to work on your marriage with counseling and communication. If, in the end, you save your marriage you can use the saved money as a reward to you and your spouse for conquering your issues together.

4.   Sneak out. In bad marriages where a spouse is being abused, whether physically or verbally, the best option is to leave immediately. When your spouse goes to work or leaves the home for a long period of time, pack your belongings and locate the nearest women’s shelter or police department. From there you will receive help in getting out of a bad marriage.

5.   Make sure you can get out and be okay (money wise) about nine months before I new I was going to leave I filled out an application for housing then when I was ready to leave I new I had a place for my children to live. This application can take one to two years to get approved so you want to make sure you do it in plenty of time.

6.   Don’t call you spouse for awhile let them cool down. Then you can talk to them about the kids and the divorce. If this is not comfortable for you then let the lawyer figure this out for you that is what he is there for.I hope I helped you see the light at the end of the dark tunnel. Remember to have strength you will get through this.

7.  Talk to your kids. Help them understand what is going on (depending on there ages) tell them in a way they will understand. Make sure to hide your fear so you don’t scare them Remember this is hard for them to.

Source : ehow.com

Video – How To Get Out of a Bad Marriage

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source: ehow.com

he narrated his marriage problems to me seeking for my candid advice. Guess what his trauma was all about : How do i end a marriage ?  He was not having a happy marriage, this is not because his wife is a nagging wife or a bad woman but they don’t seem to have that intimacy in friendship which is the bedrock every successful marriage.

More so, my candid advice to that young man was similar to this answer s.yahoo.com post  you are about to read now, read and learn from it.

How Do You End a Marriage ?

Question – First off I don’t know why my account says I’m female…any who…I have been married for almost 6 years now. My wife is a good person and takes good care of me. Except I have come to realize she is not the one for me. I am not happy being with her and I am wanting out. We have 2 children which would complicate things even further. It is just really hard to come to her about this because she is a good person and she has done nothing wrong. We just have nothing in common. Can’t speaks time together and enjoy our relationship because of it and I am tired of pretending. But she has not done anything wrong. I have too big of a heart to want to hurt anyone . Especially the effect it would have on my kids. I considered counseling and working things out but the problem is just me. I don’t want to be married anymore. Any sort of guidance or advice would be greatly helpful.

Answer – Sorry, bro, but you’ve gotta man up. You need to realize that everyone feels this way at some point in their marriage. It can be worked out. You need to at least TRY counseling. You say that you have nothing in common, but what about your wife did you find so great that you simply needed to marry her to begin with. There must have been things you liked to do together.

Furthermore, why I advise trying counseling, it’s possible that she could be feeling the same way. The most important thing in any relationship is COMMUNICATION. You need to talk it out! Even if it’s painful.

Lastly, you have to realize that this isn’t just about you anymore. Whether you think you made a mistake or not, you committed to a marriage. If you thought marriage would always be filled with fuzzy feelings and sunny days like Hollywood tells you, then I’m sorry that you’re going through shocking revelation, marriage is not easy, but it is extremely rewarding if you can learn to do it right. True love is not a feeling. True love is being there for your wife and your children when you don’t feel like it. Don’t listen to all the sh*t in society that tells you if it’s not full of passion and emotion or if it’s uncomfortable you should move on. That’s just not how life works.

I’m sorry if I come off harsh, but I’m just trying to be real with you. I promise you that if you stick with it and learn how to give yourself for your children and wife, you will feel fulfilled beyond anything you’ve felt before and it will last, unlike all those fleeting emotions that you are probably missing.

I hope the best for you, I really do. Take care friend and just remember, it’s not about us.

SOURCE : answers.yahoo.com

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I know that the answer given on this question of how do you end a marriage might be surprising to most people but frankly speaking  its the most logical solution to this delicate problem of incompatibility in marriage. So if you are still asking that question : how do i end a marriage ?, i would advice you to think of your family first, especially your kids as this is the true key to happy marriage. End a Marriage.

source: codewit.com

recent studies have shown that many marriages experience marital hitches after their first 5 years. Before i continue i want to say here that marriage is a give and take game, in other words both parties should be involved positively in order to make your marriage work.

Now listed below are the essential things to do to make your marriage work and ensure a happy marriage which would in turn build a happy and healthy family. So i would advice anyone seeking for a successful marriage to adhere to this marriage advice stated below to make your marriage work.

5 Things To Do To Make Your Marriage Work.

1,  Prayer is the most important key to a happy and healthy marriage – so commit your marriage to the hands of God in your daily prayer and especially the morning devotions.

2,  Always seek out the Good traits of your spouse -  learn to daily talk about the positive things they have done. don’t always let it be nagging about one negative attitude or the other, tell each other that you appreciate him/her for some good habit they have displayed.

3,   Dedicate a Day in a Week  For Romantic Sex – A date should be set aside for romantic and intimate sex preferably once in a week, this would the couples time to relax and also make you expectant of a great time with the only one you love. Especially when you remember the last sex date was very romantic and then it make you want to feel like ” i can’t wait for sex date to com”.

4,  Always express your feeling to your partner, don’t hide emotions. Express your love for each other by saying those simple word ” i love you” any time you are having a conversation, be it over the phone, at social gathering, parties and especially at home.

5,  like i said earlier on Marriage is give and take, learn to do things together like cooking,washing,singing, and seeing a movie at the cinema. Practice give and take by exchanging good gift at intervals. Let it always be in your memory the important date about your spouse like birth date,wedding anniversary etc.

Video – How To Make Your Marriage Work

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source: lovelyish.com

or not to still be friends after breakup with their ex, they want to know if its the right thing to do and how to avoid embarrassing each other in the course of friendship after breakup with ex. In this publication written by Susan Elliot of yourtango.com she advices the best and most appropriate manner to handle breakup with ex, so stick around this page and get all the details.

Friends With Ex: Should You Be Friends With Your Ex Post Breakup?

A big, looming question after the breakup seems to be, “Can we still be friends?” Unfortunately the answer is probably no. There are several reasons for this, but first and foremost is that even after the most amicable breakup, the people involved need some time so they can work through their feelings and sift through the ruins of the relationship. Even if it was not an emotional high-wire act, as many breakups are, there needs to be time apart to break the bond of “the couple.”
Each person needs to separate and go back to being an individual and lose the “couple” identity. Each person needs to do their work and become an individual once again. Each needs to deal with the breakup in their own way, apart from the scrutiny of the person they just broke up with. Most people cannot remain friends after a breakup, but if it ever is to be, it will be later… much later. The atmosphere immediately following a breakup is too emotionally charged for it to happen right away, if at all.

Sometimes both people are okay with the breakup and try to be friends too early. I know one couple who had dinner every now and again after they broke up. They told everyone they were “friends” and liked to check in now and again. One night, about two months after the breakup, the dinner turned into a teary shouting match.

Neither was prepared for it but both were moving onto other people and the revelation at dinner brought up all kinds of emotions that neither knew were there. If you’re going to be friends — ever — the first six months is probably not the time, no matter how amicable it seems on the surface.

The person who pushes to be friends is usually the one who has unfinished business but doesn’t want to own that or doesn’t want the responsibility of the relationship, but is unwilling to completely relinquish the ex. That is a selfish motive and not fair to the other person. Do your work and let the other person do their work and heal. It is not fair to string someone along as a “friend” because you can’t deal with the pain of having them out of your life completely.

As with any post-breakup dealings with the ex: examine your motives. A coworker recently said to me, “I want to be friends after the breakup and she doesn’t. She’s a terrific person and I don’t want her out of my life.”

If you’re the one who is asking to be friends, examine your motives. Are you trying to avoid your grief? Are you playing a game? Are you unwilling to really break all ties but don’t want the relationship either? Do you want benefits without responsibility? Do you want to hurt someone else because you don’t want to be in a relationship but you don’t want to let go completely either? If so, that’s dysfunctional and wrong.

Some people can’t do endings. If you can’t do endings (if you’re still friends with absolutely everyone you’ve gone out with), you might need to think about that. Others just don’t end things because they don’t know how. If your ex is one of those, don’t let him or her lead the way. Take charge of ending it and not remaining friends.

If you are the one who isn’t able to end things, don’t inject your inability to come to terms with the end of the relationship on the other person. It’s simply not fair. Yes, she’s hurt. You’re making things worse. If you truly think she is terrific, then let this terrific person have her space to heal. You cannot have it both ways. Leave it alone.

If your ex is asking you to be friends, don’t let him or her manipulate or guilt you into it. Your healing is what matters, not impressing your ex with your ability to be okay with the friends thing. It’s okay if you don’t want to be friends. It’s more than okay, it’s healthy. So, if you’re the person who is being asked, say no. Short and sweet. Pure and simple.

Don’t try to explain or rationalize — just say no or maybe no, not now. The problem with saying “not now” is that it will usually be followed by “When?” and you just don’t know. No is a one-word sentence. Say it and then go. No further explanation necessary. Again, being friends with your ex can be a minefield. Don’t try to cross it in the early stages of the breakup.

The early stage is about you taking care of you. You need time and space to heal. Be good to you and the healing will happen.

Video – Friends after Breakup With Ex

Hope you enjoyed the video and post on friendship with ex after breakup, please don’t hesitate to use the comment box after reading this post.

source: lifestyle.yahoo.co.nz

describe as learning from the experience of someone who has been in a bad marriage and then turning around to not only enjoy but sustain a healthy and happy marriage.

Experience they say is the best teacher, so i want to carefully read this short but insightful story which reveals how to sustain a happy marriage after going through a bad marriage. Please read on…..

Learning From Divorce: How to Maintain a Happy Marriage After a Failed One.

Between me, my mother and my father, we have racked up a whopping seven divorces — all of them before anyone turned 40 years old. Two of them are mine. My parents scandalized the upper-middle class suburb of Great Neck, Long Island when they dropped out of high school, got married and had two children — all before the age of 20. If that wasn’t a recipe for a disastrous marriage, add to it that my young father was a drug addict.

Yes, conventional wisdom can be right: teenagers should be in school. Not playing house. And marriage to a substance abuser is an uphill battle and you will never come first. Chances of divorce are pretty high.

With all of my family’s instability, it’s no wonder I gravitated toward the world of make believe and acting. I became a professional actress at the age of 14 and developed crushes on every father figure I encountered. And there were a lot of them.

As an 18-year-old New York actress, I was in a relationship with an older man when I was flown to LA to work — going from one divorce culture to another.

Okay, it was the late 70′s and the “Me” generation was in full bloom. People got divorced at the drop of a hat — unlike their parents’ generation who stayed married until the (often) bitter end.

As a young adult on my own in Hollywood, I was terrified of commitment and even more so of being abandoned. Then I fell in love with my co-star in a mini-series. He left his wife and child and we proceeded to break each others hearts over the ensuing four years.

On a rebound, I married husband No. 1.

He was another actor, 15 years older, talented and charming, but overly critical, and sexually withholding. Three years later, we got a quickie divorce in the Dominican Republic — easy to do when you have no children and a prenup. In contrast to most of the marriage, we had fun, spontaneous “goodbye sex” over that weekend.

I moved back home to New York City and immediately met husband No. 2. He swept me off my feet but our backgrounds were too dissimilar, and although loving, generous and “successful,” he was insecure and became verbally abusive at the mere mention of one of my past boyfriends. I desperately wanted children, but we were too incompatible. The combined efforts of two therapists, a marriage counselor and a rabbi were unable to prevent the inevitable. We divorced after two years of marriage.

No. 3 is the charm, and six weeks after meeting my third husband I got pregnant with our first child. We had a huge amount in common including divorced parents (crazy moms and addicted fathers) and respective “slutty” pasts. Three children, two cats, a dog and 14 years later, we truly want each other to be as happy and fulfilled in life as possible.

In addition to the fact that it’s important to get out of a bad marriage early, what else have I learned?

Marry your best friend: Find someone with whom you share common interests and background — even and especially of the dysfunctional kind. The notion that opposites attract may work for a fling, but it’s not advisable if you want to have a lasting marriage.

Share your fantasies (both in bed and out): You should both be secure enough to be able to tell your partner everything — and that includes finding others attractive (you’re married, not dead, right?). It doesn’t mean you need to act out on it, but why not acknowledge the fact that your waitress/waiter is hot and sexy? Don’t think that if you look at — or even flirt with others — it is a slippery slope and will destroy your happy marriage. It won’t. It will probably spice things up for you.

Know when to put your spouse before the kids: Having children definitely stresses a marriage. It’s important to remember that your marriage happened before they did and will (hopefully) be around after they leave the nest. My husband and I have a “quarterly update,” which is a full night and day away from the kids, four times a year. (If you can’t afford a hotel, switch off with a good friend who also has kids.) I know it’s heresy to say in this era of entitled children, but the kids shouldn’t always come first.

Practice separating: Maintain your own friends, hobbies, career, independence, etc. Take mini vacations away from each other. Hanging out all the time together will smother the happy marriage. Familiarity does breed contempt. Besides, it’s nice to miss someone a little.

As for my marriage, while flirting is an option, divorce is not. Though we both know that it’s long shadow lurks over every marriage, we choose to acknowledge it and even joke about it. And just as near death experiences reinforce life, we use it to propel us on to a stronger, more exciting, and conscious marriage.

Stacey Nelkin is an actress and the co-author of “You Can’t Afford to Break Up: How an Empty Wallet and a Dirty Mind Can Save Your Relationship”. She is a relationship and parenting expert and blogs for the website: The Daily Affair.

Video – Happy Marriage Quotes

Hope you have learn a lot from this happy marriage story, now its time to start applying the marriage tips stated here and see your marriage become a happy marriage.

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source: saidaonline.com

married or in a bad marriage. Now i have this interesting report that proves to all the reasons why your life expectancy will be on the high side if you ensure you have a happy marriage. Please read on ….

Happy Marriage, Healthy Long life

I hope all of you eligible bachelors are listening. There is a girl out there somewhere who can help you to live to enjoy football Sundays for a long time. I am referring to “marriage”, the key to a longer life expectancy.

How about living to 100 years old? A couple in Paris, Texas celebrated their 83rd wedding anniversary this year. Originally married in their late teens, they are now each over 100 years old. On an interview with WFAA (by Tina Foster), they shared how they kept their marriage together by avoiding arguments and maintaining the peace in the household (tfoster@wfaa.com).

The only caveat to longevity with marriage: it must be a happy marriage. In January 2011, the British Medical Journal published an article suggesting that happily married men enjoy greater physical health and their wives greater mental health. In fact, husbands and wives were 10-15% less likely to die prematurely than the general population.

It appears that men gain more benefit from marriage if they wait until after age 25, whereas women who marry younger (age 19-25) fare better. It seems that the long-term” commitment” leads to more healthy lifestyles and better emotional and physical health. The earlier start seems to give women a boost.

Taken from another perspective, a study in Healthy Psychology published August 2011, found that married people who had undergone surgery for heart disease were 2.5 times more likely to be alive after 15 years compared to single adults of similar age who underwent the same operation.

I suspect my marriage will boost my life expectancy. Almost 20 years (and counting…). I just need to convince my husband that the 20-year anniversary is the double diamond, double platinum event. I have big expectations. I don’t think he will go for it. In fact, I think he will avoid the argument all together. That’s ok. We will both live longer if we just avoid conflict. I guess a simple chocolate cake will do just fine.

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marriages is not an exception as will and Kate celebrate their first  happy marriage anniversary. please read on….

Will and Kate mark one year of royally happy marriage

Wedded bliss: It’s rare, as many will attest, but nevertheless, it’s the hallmark of the first year of marriage for royal stars Will and Kate, whose destiny as a future king and queen looks ever more brilliant since the dazzling day a year ago Sunday when they were married.

Prince William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, are seen at The Foundation Polo Challenge at The Santa Barbara Polo & Racquet club in July 2011. True, Kate did not immediately get pregnant. But they did get a puppy, a black cocker spaniel they named Lupo, or “wolf” in Italian.

Newlyweds Prince William of Wales and Kate Middleton, who is now known as Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, have had a smashing first year, according to those who closely follow their every move (no small number) in the U.K., America and abroad.

“She has grown in stature and confidence — her behavior has been incredibly impressive over the last year,” says Claudia Joseph, a British royals reporter and author of a biography, Kate Middleton: The Making of a Princess. “It’s a tough time to be a royal in the middle of a recession, and they get the balance just right.”

It’s been a “hands-down great first year,” says Nancy Jeffrey, an American senior editor in charge of royals coverage for People. “They’ve become the face of a new generation of British royals — fresh, down-to-earth, social-media savvy, in touch with the concerns of ordinary people.”

The pictures appear to affirm they have not lost their bliss. “If you look at them, they’re genuinely in love,” says Joseph, correspondent for the Mail on Sunday. “William is very proud of her, he wants her to be popular, he’s not jealous of her, and he doesn’t mind if she gets the limelight. They are very much a team.”

Even better, Duchess Kate, 30, has turned out to be everything the royals, the public and the news media had hoped: Beautiful, graceful and warm, the first middle-class commoner to marry a future king in three centuries “seems to have been born to the role,” Joseph says.

Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex, William’s uncle and Queen Elizabeth II’s youngest son, was born to the role. He told British reporters recently that Kate is a natural. “She has taken to royal life like a duck to water,” he said, as reported in the Daily Mirror. “She’s very gracious, and the family is very proud of her.”

She has helped invigorate an ancient, creaking monarchy: Since the engagement in 2010, the royal family’s image has been burnished by the gushy all-Kate-all-the-time media coverage.

“They’ve done wonders for the monarchy as the queen prepares to celebrate (60 years on the throne),” Jeffrey says.

“Everyone thought she’d be a breath of fresh air, but no one could have predicted how seamlessly and naturally she has taken on her new role.”

Welcomed into family

Jonathan Hayden, who wrote text for the photographic book William & Kate: Celebrating a Royal Engagement and who is covering Kate as part of the queen’s Diamond Jubilee year, said he watched her at a recent engagement where she met with young mothers and their children.

“I was within 2 feet of her, and these mums — well, they’re from a social class a long way from where she is, and the connection was extraordinary. She’s completely natural. There’s not a hint of artificiality or patronizing about her. And these mums went completely gooey — you could see them falling in love with her.”

Clearly, the royal family has learned lessons from the mournful past: William’s mother, the late Princess Diana, did not have an easy first year thanks to traditional royal reserve; her own youth (she had just turned 20); and her emotional fragility did not help. But now the queen, Prince Charles and the royal family are protective of Kate and eager to help her ease into royal life, Prince Edward says.

“We were all thrilled to welcome Catherine into the family because she’s absolutely lovely — very charming indeed and a perfect companion for William,” he said in the Daily Mirror.

The couple will not be celebrating their anniversary in public, according to the palace, and are expected to remain behind closed doors in the U.K.

Not a lot of alone time

Their first year has been crowded with events. Eleven days after their wedding in Westminster Abbey, which was watched by an estimated 3 billion people around the world, the couple slipped away to a honeymoon on a luxury island in the Seychelles in the Indian Ocean. Then, they returned to their farmhouse in Wales near his RAF base (he’s a search-and-rescue helicopter pilot) and settled in, while preparing to move into a new apartment next year in Kensington Palace for their London home.

They appeared, glamorous and glittering, at charity and social events in London. Her fashion sensibility, mixing high-gloss couture with High Street affordability, is widely applauded and imitated. They went on their first overseas tour, an 11-day twirl through Canada and Southern California that was a success.

And later this year, they will serve as Olympic ambassadors to the Summer Games in London and will travel to Commonwealth countries in the South Pacific to represent the queen at Diamond Jubilee celebrations marking her 60 years on the throne.

When Flight Lt. Wales, 29, left for six weeks of RAF duty in the Falkland Islands in February and March, Kate told people she missed him terribly, but she did not come undone. Instead, she took on her first solo charity engagements. It was not easy, not with the whole world watching, Prince Edward said.

“She’s dealt with it very well, though, and I think Catherine can only grow in confidence.”

Anyway, Joseph says, it’s not in Kate’s personality to fall apart. “She’s a military wife, she knows what’s expected of her, and William has been away for periods before,” she says.

‘She still has this mystique’

On top of everything else, the duke and duchess have fully entered the pop-culture pantheon: Mattel is selling Barbie-doll versions of them on their wedding day. Madame Tussauds has unveiled their wax effigies in London and New York. And you can buy a version of the see-through dress that Kate wore at a fashion show in college to make her platonic pal William sit up and notice her.

“She’s a beacon of hope for women — she shows that you can get a prince of a fellow,” says media psychiatrist Carole Lieberman, author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets.

Lieberman, who bid on the original dress at auction but lost (it sold for more than $125,000), says the couple’s marriage is strong, not because of a dress, but because they have built it on trust and the support of her close family.

“She still has this mystique. She keeps herself looking attractive. There is still flirtation and a sense of intrigue in their relationship. And he seems more in love with her than ever.”

It’s helpful that the press and paparazzi coverage of the couple has been positive. The only thing even remotely characterized as a “misstep” was the shortness of Kate’s hem at a recent engagement with the queen, Hayden says.

“Apparently it was rather too much for (the queen’s) courtiers, so some of the tabloids started running commentary on her short skirts,” he says. “It indicates that no matter what she does, she is going to be observed very closely, so some (in the press) will look for a negative angle to write about.”

Still, because they have full-time security and live much of the time in far-away Wales, they are not subjected to the 24/7 stalking that Kate’s sexy younger sister, Pippa Middleton, gets. That attention led last week to a photo of Pippa, 28, in a convertible in Paris with three French men, one of whom brandished a fake gun at pursuing paparazzi.

“But it has not impugned on Kate’s standing with the public; they will draw a line and a distinction between the future queen and her sister,” even as they gobble up every tidbit about Pippa, says Hayden.

Understanding fans

Is the public eager for a royal baby? Of course. By contrast, William’s mother and grandmother were pregnant within six months of their weddings 30 and 64 years ago, respectively. But is the public holding the empty cradle against the couple? Not yet. (The baby, even if it’s a girl, will be a future sovereign thanks to a change in the ancient rules of succession aimed at Will and Kate’s children.)

“Baby fever is sweeping the U.K.,” Jeffrey says. “People are hoping there will be happy news announced soon, but they also understand they are a modern couple, and if they want to take time before settling in to married life, that will not diminish them or her in any way in the public’s eyes.”

“They want to enjoy life,” says Joseph. “They don’t have a great deal of time together, so they want to enjoy it before moving on to the role of parent.”

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happy marriage which will in turn make them make a happy and healthy family. As i passionate researcher in the business of making happy marriages i have read lots of books and research materials, but i have found this piece very helpful in creating a lasting happy marriage.

So i decided to publish it here for you all to read and be informed. this master piece was written by kelvin Andrews a dedicated happy marriage researcher, so stay glued to your laptop/PC and enjoy this marriage advice.

The formula for a happy marriage, sort of…

The Australian demographer, Bernard Salt, has calculated that of the 1.343 million women aged 25 – 34, only 86,000 single, largely heterosexual, well-off, young men were available after excluding those who were already married (485,000), in a de facto relationship (185,000), were gay (7,000), a single parent (12,000) or earning less than $60,000 per annum (568,000).
At the same time, many social scientists have observed that most young adults wish to marry, ‘but not just yet.’ This attitude is reflected in demographic trends. The median age of marriage has increased significantly over the past few decades.

A number of reasons have been suggested for the delay, including the fact that education now takes longer for many young adults and the higher costs of establishing a home, as well as the desire to be socially, economically and emotionally ready for a lifelong commitment.  Family scholars also point to the fear of divorce, and the knowledge that marrying at a young age is associated with higher levels of marital breakdown.

Marrying young predicts both divorce and marital problems. Analysis by Professor Paul Amato and colleagues of a sample of national US data revealed that there was increased divorce proneness where the couple wed as teens.

The sociologists also found that divorce proneness reduced as the age of marriage increased. This factor has spawned a belief that couples who marry at an older age are more mature and therefore more likely to succeed at marriage.

However, recent research by Professor Mark Regernus and others suggests there is a significant difference between marrying as a teenager versus marrying in the early twenties.

The studies raise doubts whether the benefits of delaying marriage extend beyond the mid to late twenties. Research by the sociologist, Professor Norval Glenn, found, that all things being equal, marriages consummated between the ages of 22 and 25 show the greatest promise of reporting the highest quality and remaining intact while unions entered into as later ages “fare very well in terms of survival but rather poorly in quality.” The scholars conclude, “little or nothing in the way of marital success is likely to be gained by deliberately delaying marriage beyond the mid-twenties.”

Another national survey of marriage revealed that couples who married between ages 20 and 27 fared better on the Marital Success Index than couples who married at younger or older ages.

This is not to say that marrying late causes lower marital success. As Norval Glenn points out, late marriers could tend to have characteristics that cause them both to marry late and to have relatively poor marriages when they do marry. Such characteristics might include unrealistically high standards for a spouse and poor social skills:

If marrying late does tend to cause poor marital outcomes, it might be the relatively old age itself that has the effect or it might be marrying later than most other people near one’s age. Living alone for many years may tend to make persons “set in their ways” and thus impede their adjustment to marriage, or having a succession of low-commitment relationships, with or without cohabitation, may make it harder for persons to commit to marriage. Marrying later than most of one’s age mates gives a person a more limited selection of potential spouses to chose from and may lessen the chances of a good marital match.

Delayed marriage can have other consequences for couples wishing to have children, including decreasing fertility, increased low birth weights and preterm delivery.

The marriage educator, Tony Kerin, observes that inertia is often a factor in delayed marriage: “It is far easier to remain in an unsatisfactory relationship than to go to the trouble of changing one’s lifestyle or living arrangements. Where a couple live together this is most pronounced. When faced with insurmountable differences, the sheer dread of having to make alternative living arrangements, move furniture, seek new accommodation and reorganise one’s life often sees couples persist in the misery as the lesser of two difficulties.”

Noting that a long courtship by couples who meet in their teens is different to a long courtship by couples meeting in their mid to late twenties, Kerin writes that their failure to move toward marriage may be “a reasoned decision based on their lack of preparedness to commit.” In such cases, he counsels the need to differentiate between loyalty and commitment, and encourages marriage educators to help couples, where appropriate, with the painful process of ‘breaking up’.

This is not to suggest that everyone should marry in their mid-twenties, before they are ready, in the face of serious doubts, or under duress. Rather, it is to reflect the observation of Mark Regernus:

It’s to remind emerging adults who wish eventually to marry that there is a real marriage market out there and that sexual economics affects it, too. All talk of commitment-phobia men, or angst about settling for men who are “good enough”, is linked to [social and demographic trends] . . . [W]e simply wish to encourage men and women who’ve met someone who is “marriage material” to think twice before rejecting the notion that they’re just not ready for it. Life plans seldom develop exactly as adults anticipate and on the schedule they wish for.

Individuals make their decisions about relationships for all sorts of reasons. Knowing what the social science research reveals can be useful information when thinking about personal relationships.

Video – Guide to a Happy Marriage

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source: timesonline.com

know to the public as President Barack Obama participates in an interview with Robin Roberts of ABC’s Good Morning America, in the Cabinet Room of the White House, Wednesday, May 9, 2012, in Washington Dc.

Many pundits are of the opinion that President Obama gave the nod for gay marriage in America more because of the upcoming American general elections, as this would enable him gain the support of the growing community of gay marriage in America.  After carefully reading this latest news flash last night i decided to bring it to the notice of our numerous online readers, especially the gay marriage supporters who perhaps might not have heard this good news of the impending legalization of gay marriage in America.  Hurray to the Gay marriage community in America, please read on…..

Americans Divided as Obama Endorses Gay Marriage In America.

IOWA CITY, Iowa (AP) — Kate Varnum was at her Iowa home watching her newly adopted infant son when news flashed that Barack Obama had become the first sitting U.S. president to endorse equal marriage rights for same-sex couples.

“I said, ‘Oh my gosh, I can’t believe this is happening,’” said Varnum, 38, a plaintiff in a lawsuit that prompted the Iowa Supreme Court to make the state the first in the Midwest to legalize gay marriage in 2009. “We are absolutely thrilled. We still have a long way to go, but this is a huge step for Obama to take.”
Americans reacted with joy, scorn and indifference to Obama’s words in a television interview on Wednesday: “It is important for me personally to go ahead and affirm that same-sex couples should be able to get married.”

An African-American bishop in Philadelphia said Obama’s position will make him think twice about supporting the president’s re-election. A bed-and-breakfast owner marveled at what he described as the country’s progress on gay rights in the past generation. A Florida business owner in a same-sex relationship worried more about the economy and wondered whether Obama’s stance was a gimmick. A Kentucky businessman said the president was injecting himself into an issue that should be left to churches. All the while, Americans, who polls show are evenly split on the issue, debated the human and societal implications of the statement — and the political fallout for Obama this election year.

In Cedar Rapids, Varnum said the president’s words were so important because she and her spouse know what being married means for same-sex couples. They were recently able to adopt their son without the time and cost of having separate adoption hearings, and after Varnum lost her job last year, she and their son received health insurance coverage through her spouse’s Iowa-based employer.

Varnum, an Obama supporter, had believed that he would eventually endorse gay marriage but not before the November election. She said the Iowa ruling that bears her family’s name helped pave the way for greater acceptance of gay marriage and set the stage for Obama’s change of heart.

“After Iowa was decided, a lot of people realized it’s not just a coastal issue, it’s not just a California or New Jersey issue,” she said. “Families should be valued no matter where they live. The tide has turned.”

But in a reminder of the issue’s political divisiveness, three Iowa Supreme Court justices were ousted by voters after endorsing the court’s unanimous ruling. The Iowa conservative activist who led the push for their removal, Bob Vander Plaats, said Wednesday that like them, Obama’s decision would lead to him being rejected by voters who view marriage as between one man and one woman.

Bishop Leonard C. Goins, who presides over Chestnut Hill Church, a Pentecostal congregation in Philadelphia, flatly disagreed with Obama’s gay marriage endorsement.

“He’s wrong, he’s in error, it’s a mistake and it will hurt him,” Goins said, adding that he’s now in a quandary over whether he’ll continue to support the president.

In Lexington, Ky., executive recruiter Joe Alexander said the federal government should leave the definition of marriage to churches. A Mormon who describes himself as a constitutional conservative says he believes “marriage is ordained by God between a man and a woman.”

“Obama’s proclamation, to me, just gives insight into his moral fiber. It’s inappropriate for him to be speaking about it as president,” Alexander said. “It’s morally repugnant that the thought is expressed by the president, who should be a moral person. It’s embarrassing.”

Obama’s words fired up others. Sitting at an outdoor cafe, 26-year-old West Hollywood resident Artie Calhoun said he’s pleased Obama was bridging a generational gap for gay rights. While many young people seem comfortable with gay marriage, Calhoun says, people in older generations, including his father, struggle to understand homosexuality.

“If we have a voice in the White House who outwardly supports us, that absolutely helps understanding, 100 percent,” he said.

In Richmond, Va., Jeff Wells was delighted at what he called a historic moment. The bed-and-breakfast owner said he thought Obama’s prior reluctance to speak out on the issue was politically motivated, and he was “pleasantly surprised that he had the courage to” to back same-sex marriage.

Wells married his partner in Massachusetts in 2009, but their union isn’t recognized in Virginia, where voters earlier approved an amendment to the state Constitution that defines marriage solely as the union of one man and one woman.

“When I was 25 years old, I never conceived that … I would one day be married to a man I loved,” Wells, 50, said.

Others reacted with skepticism.

Delsa Bernardo, who co-owns Yiya’s Gourmet Cuban Bakery and Café in Miami with her girlfriend, backed Obama in 2008 but has since become disillusioned over economic issues. She said she’s happy he’s spoken out in support of gay marriage but wants to see what actions he takes to back up his words.

Bernardo said she is frustrated with the Obama administration over the difficulty in getting loans despite the federal bailouts he supported. She’s had to pay out of pocket $1,600 this month for an industrial juicer and a glass case to display her popular red velvet cupcakes, as well as $4,000 for roof repairs because she can’t get a loan. She hasn’t paid herself in two weeks.

“I’m happy and I think it’s about time our country does it,” she said. “But I don’t think it’s all ‘Whoo-hoo!’ I mean, who cares who you’re sleeping with?”

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marriage to look for a hardworking,skilled or educated young lady to make as a wife, as this basic recipe would help them make a happy marriage.

The sin city actress Jenifer Alba, made this confession recently that the secret of her happy marriage is hard work and commitment to her hubby. As a woman you have to work hard to make your marriage a success, don’t just sit at home and expect every of your needs and that of your kids to be provided by your husband.

You’ve got to stand up and work for cash to support your husband and build a happy home, by so doing you earn more respect,love and intimacy from your husband who now sees you as a concerned stake holder in the success of the family. read on and here her exact words….

Cash and I make time for each other’: Jessica Alba works hard to maintain her happy marriage

She is the busy mother of two, who is juggling a career and a growing family.
And Jessica Alba has worked hard to keep the romance alive in her marriage since having her children. The Sin City actress, who has daughters Honor, three, and eight-month-old Haven with husband Cash Warren, says anything from watching reality TV together to going out for a date night when the children are gone to bed has helped their relationship.

Writing in her blog for iVillage.com, the 31-year-old said: ‘Cash and I have found that maintaining a family schedule is the key to making time for each other.

‘Whether we’re settling into the couch to watch bad reality television or getting a babysitter so we can enjoy a date night out, we always know we have dedicated time after the girls are asleep to catch up, discuss what’s on our minds, and simply just be with each other (no cell phones or e-mail allowed!).

‘Carving out this alone time is especially important after almost nine years together, too.

‘Often feeling tired after a busy day at work and home, I know how easy it is to take each other for granted or let our relationship sit on the back burner and think “It will be there tomorrow, now it’s time for sleep.”

‘So, making time for our relationship in our daily routine, even though it’s surprisingly predictable and may not seem as spicy as our spontaneous pre-kiddo days, really helps keep the romance alive.’

Although the couple have been together for nine years, Jessica says Cash still loves to make romantic gestures.
”Maybe it’s because I’m 30 or maybe it’s because I’m a mom, but I don’t think romance is always about swinging from chandeliers (although it’s nice from time to time)’ she said.

‘It’s really about the small gestures too. Recently when filming a movie in Atlanta, Cash surprised me by having a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered to the set.

‘It was a simple, heartfelt surprise that let me know he was thinking of me during my time away from home. I loved it.

‘He also takes over middle-of-the-night feedings, tends to fevers, and takes the girls to the park without me having to ask because he knows I need a break. All these things add to our romance.’

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